Holidays

Your eyes light up with the excitement of the season

For those of us without peace, we have no reason

We struggle and we fight just to feel a sense of belonging

As your excitement builds for the holidays

And your children are longing

Many of us no longer want to fear this season

I try as hard as I can, as I can’t give up for one reason

I never want my husband to feel as if I don’t love him

Because I’ve lost all that I once had to celebrate ‘tis the season

I carry this pain around inside my heart

My mind wanders back to before it turned dark

I miss that life, as chaotic as it could be

I miss the people that are gone, the ones I’ll never see

I wish for a renewal of the spirit I am missing  

It's been so long; I think I’ll just go on wishing

Fate

Don't worry about me, I'll be fine
I'll figure it all out in due time

I'll hide my pain behind my smile
Even if I have to struggle for a while

Am I a misguided fool
Hell bent on breaking every rule?

Do you see me as I am?
The one trying to take a stand

Trying steadily in vain
To circumvent all of the pain

If you were to ask me if it's all been worth it
I would shrug it off because it's not over yet

It's amazing how what is stored in your brain
Fills you with so much shame

Can you find a way out of this game
Or will you forever be bogged down by pain

Each day when I wake
I steady myself to challenge my fate

I've never asked for perfection
I only sought an end to the deception