The Search Is Over

So many years I spent searching for my soul
All of the mistakes I made trying to fill that hole

Hurtful words followed by painful actions
Part of me knew this wasn't what I deserved, yet I couldn't turn away
Through all of the abuse and lies, I hoped one day I would find him
The one with kindness in his eyes

At times I walked slowly, blinded by tears
Carrying all of the burdens of the past years

At long last, without ever expecting it, I ran into you. 

At first we took a chance and couldn't make it work
We were too afraid of our pasts and the many times we'd been hurt

It wasn't long before we found each other again
It felt as if a warm blanket was draped across my shoulders

As if somehow, I would never be hurt again
I looked into your eyes and I found all of the answers

I found love without consequences and acceptance without fear
As last I knew what I needed, it was so very clear

I never dreamt of a time when even being away from you for an hour would be a struggle

In the last 15 years, you and I have faced trials, heart-break, sadness, and grief

We've lost people we loved and felt pain beyond belief
Through it all, not once did I doubt your love for me
And only briefly did I consider that I should set you free

Now I know that our love only grows stronger with each passing year
Too much time together would never be enough

I'm grateful for everything you've brought into my life
I've never felt like I belonged anywhere else but at your side
I take so much pride every day that I call myself your wife

I hope you understand now that any sadness I feel has a different source
Unfortunately at times, my brain takes a separate course

I will always find my way back to you, mind, body, and soul

Because without you I'm nothing...nothing at all. 

No Escape

How do you let go of a dream you never thought 
would die
Can you live through the pain of knowing it was all 
just a lie
Pain seems to be a constant in life

Yet, I work every day to make myself believe I am so 
much stronger
I look around at all of this sadness and wonder
How can I face this for even a moment longer

In the middle of the summer I'm wrapped in my 
blankets, trying to get through the chills
I hide away from anyone and everyone.
Let them believe what they will

I feel like there's a weight attached to my leg, dragging
me down further and further
Please stop! I beg as my life becomes a blur

Sometimes I wonder why I continue to put my life out there
I wish I could accept the negativity without a care

It's clear to me now that I continue to let the past repeat

Wouldn't it be amazing to finally overcome such a debilitating defeat

Mistakes

Did you let go because it was too hard
Could you feel where you went wrong
Or was it everything it should have been and more

Have you stopped to count the hours since it last
    occupied your soul
Or have you let that dream wither and die

So much to say, so few ways to say it

Look into her eyes
Is she staring back at you
Do you meet her gaze

What happened to her
She is an empty shell of what could have been

It must be done now, before it's too late
Before she fails to turn the tables and her foolish mistakes
    are the only legacy she leaves upon this world

In the Dark

In the dark, I hear so clearly
Yet I can never see what is truly pursuing me

I question all that I feel so deeply
And I wonder why I can't just simply forgive me

When the sun goes down, the fear breaks through
I can't face all of this truth

My heart flutters with each beat of sadness

I can only hope the morning brings a long 
awaited change
I can't keep this going, there's too much pain
Yet, I will fight like there's an entire world to gain.

It's just beginning now; my breathing feels so shallow
Is my chest bound by chains?
When will I recognize my life again?
When will I find a sense of strength again?

Across the room, a single light shines brightly
As I make a bargain with my soul that at long last, 
I will not sleep so lightly.

Lost

I followed along on this path I'd never taken, 

hoping it would make me new

When the pain on the inside became far too dark,

I could no longer hold true

Now, I fight to find the light and I struggle as I 

hold tight to you

I've lost all that I had become, 

and all that I knew

It hurts with a pain I've never

carried as I'm searching for the truth

I stumbled, I fell

I feel I'll never steady my view

I've lapsed into the loudest silence,

I stagger my way through

Tomorrow I say, tomorrow it will be

I need so much to believe

I have to find what I've lost

If it's the only thing I ever do